A bit of trouble

Struggle to find the right words to
describe the way this changed my thoughts
on certain things.
Sometimes I´ll see reasons in smallest things
find meaning in all that is gone or forgotten
without having to dig too deep
or search to far. It´s simply there and visable.
Why have I lost the ability to divide
my path of choice
between what I should and what I could?
Some other day I´d shake my head and
shrug off the uncomfortable chill.
Pretend it´s not bothering me and
succeeding perfectly. Almost.
Some other day I´d keep on walking and
find a fun twist in the road to distract me from
whatever it is that´s eating me. Beating me.
Brittle and small-
that´s how I feel when I can´t get my
words to work for me and
when they serve only to add to
the stupid trouble.
I don´t like it and I don´t want it.
I want them to make me feel big and in control.
Me for myself. Nothing else.
I can´t even begin to change this into
a stream of logical words that make sense in any
logical context. It´s just
Words are there for me.
Struggle to find the right ones right now but
that´s okay.