Wish I Could Get Lost

Dawn breaks,
white mist hides the
familiar shapes of houses, trees, mountains.

Kid awakes,
the air is damp and
chilly as I drop’em off to daycare for a while.

I crawl back into bed and
convince myself I have nothing better to do
but be comfortably hidden under sheets and covers.

For a couple of hours I’ll not be here, I’ll have no voice, no presence.

I’ll greet the day at noon.

My phone rings and I
can’t sleep with it screaming for me
like a desperate reminder of my whole life of responsibilities.

I guess I’ll be here after all.


7 thoughts on “Wish I Could Get Lost

  1. *chuckles* Some morning it is so hard to face the day ahead. Lovely poem, Thorey.

    Just curious, why did you use “drop’em” instead of the full word “them”. It’s the same number of syllables and the full word doesn’t feel like it breaks the pace.

    I love the shape and form in this poem. :-) Thanks for sharing and I hope the day that inspired this poem turned out to be a beautiful one.

  2. *grins* I don’t know, Rebecca. It just didn’t fit. I did it the other way first, then changed it after reading aloud. Maybe it’s got something to do with the mood?

    Thank you, by the way, for commenting and the compliment ;)

  3. Well you use the singular “kid” so maybe “him” or “her” would work too? One of the things I love most about writing poetry is the tweaking involved in finding the exact right word. So if your ’em feels like the right one for you then it is. :-)

    • Well, there’s no such thing as a perfection in poetry, and mine may have been better with the whole word… I wouldn’t be the best judge of course ;)

      As for the “kid” and then a plural; one kid sleeps in my bed, the other in her own room. The one in my bed wakes ME up, I wake the other one up ;) And when it’s time to go, I take both of them :D

      If I *were* to change it… I’d move “chilly” up… so the verse would be:

      Kid awakes,
      the air is damp and chilly
      as I drop them both off to daycare for a while.

      hmmm… maybe the ’em had something to do with how the word might just as easily sound like a short for “drop him” and so creating a little tweak no one would know unless by reading the poem, not if they only heard it read aloud…

      • *chuckles* It sounds like your two are the other way around to mine. lol My 6yo sleeps in my bed (mostly because he’s nice and warm so I take advantage of the fact that he’s young enough to still want cuddles). He’s the one I usually have to wake up with my 10yo being the one who is awake first.

        The only reason I called “’em” into question is because I have a distinct aversion to truncation. lol It was a “tool” used a lot in older English poetry when form poetry was considered “the only kind of poetry”. Poets needed to fit to a specific metric syllable count. I can’t help but think it was their laziness that forced them to rip up a perfectly good word to make it fit instead of finding another way of phrasing the line so that all words remained intact. But, that’s a personal pet-peeve and I know many poets don’t share my viewpoint. lol

        And, with that admission, I LOVE your “new” version of the verse. ;-) It also handles the “and” enjambment that I didn’t notice when I first read through but agree with your adjustment there.

        Now I’ll stop being a picky poetry critic. lol Please let me know if you’re not interested in this sort of critique. Some poets prefer to keep their original versions whole and others (like me) appreciate the opportunity to continue to tweak and “grow” a poem based on the eye and ear of other readers. If you’re the former let me know so I won’t step on toes in future. :-)

        • I love getting feedback, so by all means comment on the bad as well as the good! :)

          I never actually studied anything poetry-related, so I have no idea how proper form is… In fact, That is what I’ve been looking into and am considering as a post: What I learn about proper form and my efforts of writing poetry accordingly… ;)

          • lol Another reason I should hurry up and get my old Poetry Workshop converted into an eBook. Now, I wonder where the magic wand is to finangle up some more hours in each day. ;-)

            I think you’d really enjoy learning the “craft” that goes into the art of poetry. You’ve got a natural instinct for the cadence of language and I think you’d love trying out the various metric or rhyme forms that already exist.

            I’m a closet Shakespearean Sonnet writer. It’s my favorite form and I’ve written lots of sonnets over the years. I started to put together a small coffee table book of sonnets once but never got around to finishing it.

            Wow, unfinished books… They pile up. Must commit to finishing some of them. lol

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